There is quite a bit of research documenting the benefits of gratitude. Exercises where people consistently think about three things they are grateful for at the end of every day have been shown to permanently increase a person’s happiness. Generally, increasing the time spent contemplating your blessings creates more meaning in your life.
There are a number of other ways that increasing gratitude in your life can help. Specifically, gratitude can be a great way to build relationships at work. It can be a tool to help you claim credit for your hard work without making you look selfish or like you are not a team player. Gratitude can also be a tool to help you you get things done.
This post will describe how to put gratitude to work in your life and career in ways that are less commonly discussed, but hopefully equally beneficial to some of the more researched outcomes associated with practicing gratitude.
Grateful relationship building
Building positive relationships with co-workers is one of the best things you can do to increase your chances of success at work. You never know who you will need a favor from, who will get the next promotion, or who will have that piece of critical information that helps make your project more successful.
While there are all kinds of ways to build relationships, one of the most simple is probably one of the least used: taking the time to thank the people you work with for the things they contribute. When is the last time you took the time to write a note to say thank you to the following people (something more than a passing, “Thanks,” in the hallway):
- The IT person who mans the call center
- The Head of HR at the end of benefits enrollment
- The Executive Assistant who helped you get an important meeting scheduled
- The Marketing person who put together a new part of your organizations website
- The colleague who went out of their way to stay late to finish something they were working on for your department
Taking the time to write someone a thank you email, and potentially copying their boss and your boss, is a fantastic way to build relationships. Most of day-to-day business is problem solving, and the more senior a person gets the more they are likely dealing with problems all day; the happily resolved issues don’t get escalated. When someone sees an email or note that is proactive and positive, it makes a lasting impression.
Find ways to thank people for their contributions when they are meaningful to you. An authentic thank you to anyone in your company will always be a way to start building a relationship.
Thankfully taking credit
There’s a fine line between making sure you get credit for your work and being seen as bragging. For women, that thin line is even more difficult. If you talk about your accomplishments all the time, you’re not a team player. But if you don’t talk about what you have accomplished, it often goes unnoticed if a sponsor or someone else doesn’t speak up.
Enter the carefully crafted Thank You note from stage left to help address this dilemma. Whenever you have finished a big project, achieved an important milestone, or completed a goal for the year, send a thank you note or better yet, send multiple thank you notes. Thank all the people who helped achieve the outcome: your peers, your team, and the sponsors who made it happen. Make sure to copy other people’s managers.
In thanking people for helping with the project, you get all of the relationship building benefits mentioned earlier AND people will see you as the leader of the project. People will associate you with the accomplishment. You will have effectively shared your success while being a team player.
Reciprocally grateful
One of the most common questions I get is how to build relationships with people who are more senior than they are. Reciprocity is a great tool to create and build relationships; it’s essentially the innate instinct in humans to reciprocate (a.k.a. show gratitude.)
There’s a famous study where researchers sent Christmas cards to over 500 people picked at random from the Chicago phone book. Over 20% of people sent Christmas cards back even though they had no idea who had sent them the original card.
Think about what you can offer someone you are wanting to build a relationship with. What interests does that person have? Are there projects at work that they are passionate about? Do they lead any internal initiatives? Do they have children? I have found that most people are delighted to discuss their kids.
Once you understand what someone is interested in, ask yourself how you can help. What can you offer? Can you organize an event that will further an internal effort they are working on? Are there books or articles relevant to that person which you could read and summarize for them?
Going to someone with an offer of how you can help solve their problems is always going to be well received. Most executives spend their days solving problems; I practically cry with joy when someone comes to me with a solution. And of course, then I’m only too happy to reciprocate which is how relationships are built.
In summary
The best thing about gratitude in the workplace is that there is almost always a way to express sincere gratitude to the people around you. Gratitude is a win-win; it makes you feel better and it makes everyone else feel better. The fact that it can also help you be recognized for your work and help build relationships are just additional benefits for which we can be thankful.
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